Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Wife Hunting!

So hey it's been a while since i posted and I thought I'd update ya'all bout Biggs aka me. So we had mothers day come and go and I thought I'd let everyone know what an AWESOME mom I have. She's always there for me even sometimes when I don't want her to be. She helps get me skinny with all her voodoo, witchcraft diet quick fixes(which actually happen to work). She constantly calls to find out how I'm doin, and best of all she has learned to text message so she's never far away at all. No really though she is the best! 
And then we've got my dating life which has recently seen new life. I actually had three dates last week(not bad when you consider I prob had three all of last year. One of em was a gal from my ward who I'm kinda into so we'll see where that goes.I'm leaving sunday for a LDS singles cruise to the mexican riviera out of Los Angeles. Seven days of blissful relaxation and wife chasin should be just what the dr ordered. No really I need a wife! So any of you out there who know someone that likes short chubby dudes please let me know. Jory and Anna had a bbq over the weekend that was really fun well except for well never mind. It was cool. We played games and ate and well that was pretty much it. So back to this whole wife thing. here's the deal I need someone who's cute but has grown into it. Ya know the kind that was maybe a little awkward in school but then one day realized she was hot but was still humble cause of all those years of well not being hot. Like joey potter from dawsons creek. Only not so tall. And not so into Tom Cruise. And what happened to that guy? Man maverick was a bad mother franker who flew upside down over a mig and could still kick your ass in beach volleyball. Now he can't make a good movie to save his life and his chicks a foot taller than him. Remember "risky business" where did that guy go? Now all we get is some weird ass talkin on youtube about scientology and how he's a better person for it(keep in mind you rise up in that religion based on your donation level)anyways what a wack job. But oh Joey what a fox, well a really tall fox. I'm still pissed she's not with Pacey man they were a magical couple. Oh I digress. 
So I've been on a diet now for 2.5 weeks and I've lost about 22lbs. I have been takin this hormone called HCG. It's basically extracted from a pregnant woman's urine. Anyhow I took it a feww weeks before for 23 days and lost 29 lbs the stopped for like 3 weeks and prob gained like 4-5 lbs back and then started this second time and am down 22. Not bad. The problem is I'M HUNGRY AS SHIT! No seriously i'm livin off of like 800 calories a day. So to make matters worse I saw a comercial for a cheesy gordita crunch from taco bell. Now some of you may know of my past illicit love affair with "the crunch" as I call her. That little sexy bitch has broken my heart a time or two. With her two shells one soft and one hard seperated by a cheesy barrier of love packed with beefy yumness covered in creamy goodness. Oh I have a food erect whoa sorry this is gettin out of hand. Needless to say we stopped seeing each other due to the fact that she always left me feeling well bloated to be honest. But damn do I miss her bad. But no it's over i have to tell myself. No matter how hard she calls out to me were finished. Wow I think I just wrote a love story about a taco. I have problems. Well I'm out til next time. But remember I need a wife!...Who smells like "the crunch" no just kiddin