Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Wife Hunting!

So hey it's been a while since i posted and I thought I'd update ya'all bout Biggs aka me. So we had mothers day come and go and I thought I'd let everyone know what an AWESOME mom I have. She's always there for me even sometimes when I don't want her to be. She helps get me skinny with all her voodoo, witchcraft diet quick fixes(which actually happen to work). She constantly calls to find out how I'm doin, and best of all she has learned to text message so she's never far away at all. No really though she is the best! 
And then we've got my dating life which has recently seen new life. I actually had three dates last week(not bad when you consider I prob had three all of last year. One of em was a gal from my ward who I'm kinda into so we'll see where that goes.I'm leaving sunday for a LDS singles cruise to the mexican riviera out of Los Angeles. Seven days of blissful relaxation and wife chasin should be just what the dr ordered. No really I need a wife! So any of you out there who know someone that likes short chubby dudes please let me know. Jory and Anna had a bbq over the weekend that was really fun well except for well never mind. It was cool. We played games and ate and well that was pretty much it. So back to this whole wife thing. here's the deal I need someone who's cute but has grown into it. Ya know the kind that was maybe a little awkward in school but then one day realized she was hot but was still humble cause of all those years of well not being hot. Like joey potter from dawsons creek. Only not so tall. And not so into Tom Cruise. And what happened to that guy? Man maverick was a bad mother franker who flew upside down over a mig and could still kick your ass in beach volleyball. Now he can't make a good movie to save his life and his chicks a foot taller than him. Remember "risky business" where did that guy go? Now all we get is some weird ass talkin on youtube about scientology and how he's a better person for it(keep in mind you rise up in that religion based on your donation level)anyways what a wack job. But oh Joey what a fox, well a really tall fox. I'm still pissed she's not with Pacey man they were a magical couple. Oh I digress. 
So I've been on a diet now for 2.5 weeks and I've lost about 22lbs. I have been takin this hormone called HCG. It's basically extracted from a pregnant woman's urine. Anyhow I took it a feww weeks before for 23 days and lost 29 lbs the stopped for like 3 weeks and prob gained like 4-5 lbs back and then started this second time and am down 22. Not bad. The problem is I'M HUNGRY AS SHIT! No seriously i'm livin off of like 800 calories a day. So to make matters worse I saw a comercial for a cheesy gordita crunch from taco bell. Now some of you may know of my past illicit love affair with "the crunch" as I call her. That little sexy bitch has broken my heart a time or two. With her two shells one soft and one hard seperated by a cheesy barrier of love packed with beefy yumness covered in creamy goodness. Oh I have a food erect whoa sorry this is gettin out of hand. Needless to say we stopped seeing each other due to the fact that she always left me feeling well bloated to be honest. But damn do I miss her bad. But no it's over i have to tell myself. No matter how hard she calls out to me were finished. Wow I think I just wrote a love story about a taco. I have problems. Well I'm out til next time. But remember I need a wife!...Who smells like "the crunch" no just kiddin

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Bloody lip story

Well for those who know me this will be repetitive, but for those who are lookin to catch a glimpse into my life hope you enjoy. This is just one of the many wacked things that happen , to me. I went campin with my good friend Andy and his wife one summer night and his wife Traci brought her sister. Well I had always had a crush on his sister in law so I was pumped to go! Anyhow we hung out and had a good time and it was time to go to bed. Well I had planned on sleepin in the back of my truck when what to my surprise she asked me if I wanted to sleep in the back of her truck with her. UI'm m uh yes please. So the next few mins are foggy but I remember being in that mindset us guys get in when all we are thinkin about is "how am I going to start scorin this chick". Well being the smooth operator I am I started kissin her neck half expecting her to turn around and smack me. What happened next was somewhat unexpected but she started kissin me and quite passionately if I do say so. Now I've kissed a few gals in my day but never one so aggressive. She had bit my lip and was at the moment pulling it with her teeth about six inches from my face. Well I have to stop and say that I had recently had a cold sore that was just about healed but I didnt factor in the aggressiveness of this little filly. What happened next was fairly uncomfortable and is still even to tell, but I'll try. As we were makin out pretty hot and heavy her dog who was lying at our feet had been chewing on my blanket and we heard it rip. Well I turned on my headlamp and looked at the dog, who indifferently stared back for a second before returning to my blanket. As I kinda muttered under my breath I panned to my lady friend and all the sudden Damn! She had blood all over her face, and ears, and neck. She looked like an aztec warrior! Apparently my cold sore had broken open and I guess I was all over the board. Well needless to say I faced a dilemma, tell her I had bled on her and most likely the makeout was over, or keep goin and know I was bleedin all over her. Well I told her and imagine the awkward silence that followed. I never really saw that chick again, but damn if I dont have a good story.

My first BLOG!

So I think I'll dig deep for my feminine side and start blogging. As a word of caution I will be posting random stuff from my life, which if you know me means it could be how should we say-risque- I think thats how you spell that. Anyhow welcome to biggerb75 aka Bradleys blog. Wow what alliteration. So lets get to the nitty gritty shall we. I was watchin american idol last night and to be honest it feels sorta like the final five are getting worse not better. The Davids are good no doubt and Cook can make any song sound like a rock song. Thats cool! Archuleta ahh what can i say about the little fella I wanna fold that little bugger up, put him in my pocket, and maybe take him to a party where i pull him out to show to my friends. Dude has an amazing voice but hes not unique at all. He's a great singer, but dude open your eyes and maybe mix in a dance move or two David. The other three are crap. Brooke's hot thats it. Syesha is sexy and can sing but she's basically pigeonholed to be a broadway type singer nothing more and lastly that brings me to castro. Dude looks like a lady! Is this who Steven Tyler was singing about in his song. Castro had one decent song in my opinion and that was "somewhere over the rainbow". The crazy thing is he's never been bottom three as far as I can remember. He's like a cockroach that just can't be destroyed. Anyhoo My prediction; I think Castro is finally met his fate and will no longer be joining us on tuesday nights. Thats my call for better or worse. Well I'll write more later just wanted to get started.